This week in our Church’s sermon series and in the Freeway book we are working on Forgiveness. While the exercises this week weren’t nearly as hard as the previous two weeks, it is the practical application that will continue to be a challenge. In some areas, I can only imagine what life would be like without those past hurts still poking at me daily. It’s those negative voices from the past that repeat in our heads. For me, they tell me I just don’t measure up. I’m either too much of something or not enough of another thing. And they’ve been there for years! In some seasons of my life I am better at dealing with them than others, that is for sure, but they’re always there. Making me strive to prove my worth, trying to meet impossible standards. On Sunday, Pastor Pete said, “The path to Freedom always goes through the door of Forgiveness.”
Seriously, I can barely imagine what it would be like to be free from those tapes. To be able to quit hearing those hurtful wounding words from my past. To be able to just enjoy wherever I am in a given season without feeling like I need to strive to be more somehow. I may not know what that would feel like, but I promise you, I am drawn to the idea of it! I want that life. I want a life of contentment with where I am at and joy at being uniquely me. I want the Freedom of not having to worry about perfection or unattainable standards. I want the peace of knowing I am enough just as I am. I want to hear God’s truth about my worth instead of the tapes that play from long ago.
So I will forgive. I will forgive the harsh comments, the unfair actions and all the unintended wounds I’ve collected over the years. I will forgive the things I can not makes sense of and quit asking, “How could _____ do that?” “Why would _____ say that?” I will focus on the Who that matters. The God who sees it all, is with me through it all, LOVES me just as I am right now and knowing who I will become and what I will go through to get there. AND I will forgive myself. I will forgive myself for poor decisions I made, trust I misplaced in others, trust I didn’t live up to, wounding words I’ve uttered, my actions that have harmed loved ones and for being so critical of myself. Y’all there are times I am meaner to myself than I would ever be to anyone else. Stealth criticisms that slip across my mind that no one else is aware of. It is insidious and I intend for it to stop. I am going to forgive myself for the past times I’ve done it and then make a real effort to replace those negative tapes with the resounding TRUTH of who & Whose I am. A child of God who is undeniably loved by the one who made me no strings attached and no ruler to measure up to… just as I am.
Blessings2Savor 